edith
Junior Member
Posts: 67
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Post by edith on Jun 24, 2005 0:29:33 GMT 10
I can understand what jojong said about the rift between her and her husband because i am in similar situation. I no longer want to tell my husband when his parents upset me. I also have given up hope on his parents, and by now i am used to their behaviours. To me, the lesser we meet, the better. Me too. In the past, I get so upset by them that I always voiced out my anger and the situation got worse. So now I just keep quiet and it seems to work. Like Min, I too feel that the lesser we meet, the better. |
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Post by linlin on Jun 24, 2005 5:54:25 GMT 10
I just feel sorry for my son. He is going 6 this year. Somehow, when we quarrel, I sense that he could be aware of what is happening. One of the day, he was asking why we quarrel? Jojo, if possible try not to quarrel in front of your kid. It is definitely not healthy for him. I'm saying this because my parents used to quarrel in front of us kids...until now, we still live with the image of them quarelling...& if u ask me how my childhood was like, I will say it was spent watching my parents quarelling & fighting all through their lives  |
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Post by linlin on Jun 24, 2005 6:12:14 GMT 10
When wife and mother in law don't get along, it is the husband who is in difficult position. Dunno who to side with. But I would say, he should side with whoever is right  or just get himself out of it without siding with anybody. The bible said one day man will leave his parents to be one with his wife. So you would think he should be closer and trust his wife. But then, I heard of different philosophy also. IF you lose your wife, you can remarry and you'll have another wife. But you cannot get another mother when you lose yours. so? I agree the husband is being sandwiched in between in situations like that. My husband will not side with anyone but he will say to me, "I totally understand"...then he stops saying anything else. Sometimes, he will juz sigh & keep quiet. I definitely do not mean to put him in a difficult position but that does not mean I should keep quiet too. Perhaps as the husbands, they should at least talk to their parents, do u agree with me here, ladies? Of course I doubt they will do so because it is juz so typical of them not to talk abt their problems. Last night, I finally pluck up my courage to have a heart to heart talk with my husband. Although it didn't solve any problem at the moment, I am glad I did it. Those frustrations had been pent up for the past few months. Surprisingly, he told me he knew what had been going on between me & his mom. He said without anyone saying, he could see it. He even said he knew what kind of person his mom was & even heard things that his mom said but afterall, she is his mom...what can he do? I do see his point but I make sure he sees my sufferings too. I told him alot of things last night, things that I never have the courage to say. Today, I'm still feeling a bit depressed. Didn't sleep much last night & couldn't sleep in this morning either. Sometimes I really wonder if I had made the right choice of moving over & getting married. Perhaps if I had learnt to let go of this rocky relationship right from the beginning, I wouldn't have to write down all these feelings here today...... |
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Post by jojong on Jun 24, 2005 11:43:20 GMT 10
Agree with Min & Edith that the lesser we meet, the better it is.
Imagine how torturous it is for past 4-5 years that I have to go to MIL's house everyday for dinner. I refuse to talk to MIL and SIL while I am in MIL's house. I know I am rude. But if I talked, I afraid that I would just flare up. I tolerate this bec my two kids are still young and I can't manage on my own to bring home two kids from childcare/babysitter without my husband.
Now that my kids are bigger, I am going to put into practice "the lesser we meet, the better". Starting this week, I brought my two kids home straight from childcare. Husband was not happy. Expecting World War 3 anytime.
Linlin,
Yes, it is not healthy to argue in front of children. I will avoid doing so. Lately, we had so much arguments on MIL that we are not speaking to each other. We are sort of having "mini competition" as to who is "better" to the kids. It is as if we are preparing for ........
Linlin, do take care of yourself too.
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nora
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Post by nora on Jun 24, 2005 16:18:37 GMT 10
Hi ladies I understand all your frustrations about your in-laws. My SIL always love to compare my dd with hers. I really couldn't stand it. I told my dh that I don't like our dd to be compared with others. Let her grow on her own & at her own time. Now, I just distance myself from her whenever we have family gatherings. *Sigh* **Big hugs to all of you**  Take care & no worries of releasing your pent-up emotions here. |
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Post by linlin on Jun 25, 2005 5:42:35 GMT 10
*hugs* to all who have to put up with the in-laws
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Post by lilyng on Jun 25, 2005 6:13:32 GMT 10
i am a mil and i wonder what my sil has to say about me
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Post by Janny on Jun 25, 2005 9:44:54 GMT 10
Lily
I am sure your son in law only has nice things to say about you. Especially after all the beautiful cakes and delicious dishes you cook for him ;D ;D ;D
I am so lucky I have a wonderful MIL and an equally wonderful FIL.
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Post by Belachan on Jun 25, 2005 12:29:10 GMT 10
linlin, stays strong and knows that we are here to listen. A heart to heart talk with your husband is a good way to release your stress, eventhough he can't really do much, but at least he knows how you feel. Hope you get to move out of your in-laws house soon. *hug*
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edith
Junior Member
Posts: 67
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Post by edith on Jun 25, 2005 13:59:59 GMT 10
i am a mil and i wonder what my sil has to say about me With those wonderful dishes you are whipping out for the family and looking after Renee. I doubt sil got anything to say. |
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Post by lilyng on Jun 26, 2005 13:37:40 GMT 10
that's what grandma is for - spoilt the grandchildren. An advise to all you ladies who are mothers or will be mothers, and are mil or will be one, be a useful one and mind your own business, give the young ones space. as i have been advised to be 'kuai kuai'
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Post by min on Jun 27, 2005 1:32:32 GMT 10
that's what grandma is for - spoilt the grandchildren. An advise to all you ladies who are mothers or will be mothers, and are mil or will be one, be a useful one and mind your own business, give the young ones space. as i have been advised to be 'kuai kuai' well said lily.  |
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Post by Simplybest on Jun 27, 2005 19:08:21 GMT 10
Lily is right.....give young people space. I would be a MIL's nightmare but luckily dh's mother passed away when he was a teenager. Although I don't have any problem with my inlaws, it's good we see them only 2 or 3 times a year. We usually communicate thru phone.
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Post by linlin on Jun 28, 2005 4:45:53 GMT 10
that's what grandma is for - spoilt the grandchildren. An advise to all you ladies who are mothers or will be mothers, and are mil or will be one, be a useful one and mind your own business, give the young ones space. as i have been advised to be 'kuai kuai' Lily, if only all MILs think like the way u do... Ching, thanx for ur encouragement & support. Yesterday, we went to view an apartment...we both like the layout alot, but honestly, I do not know what my husband thinks...cos he said, we should view more before deciding. He is pretty fussy abt places. I can understand that but deep inside me, I hope we will be able to move out as soon as possible since we've finally found one that we both like after so many months...what's best, this place is quite a distance from in-laws' place. |
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Post by Belachan on Jun 28, 2005 5:25:11 GMT 10
You go girl! Perhaps he is like my husband, afraid of the buyer regret, so he has to go check out a few more and compare the prices and stuff before deciding on this one. Since you two are out there and looking, it won't be long now, so just look at the bright side.  |
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or just get himself out of it without siding with anybody.
